


Dean And Cas Get A Divorce

by Violetlyvanilla



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Coda, Complete, Destiel - Freeform, Fluff, M/M, tw divorce, tw implied sabriel, tw spncoldesthits
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-16
Updated: 2018-04-16
Packaged: 2019-04-23 17:09:06
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,515
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14337147
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Violetlyvanilla/pseuds/Violetlyvanilla
Summary: A strategic alliance with the Djinn requires Castiel to forge a marital bond. Problem: he’s already bonded to Dean. Dean and Cas must re-enact the crucial moments that led to the development of their bond in order to bring into effect a magical divorce. They work very hard at this. Against a wall, behind a dumpster.Also, Sam just wants a snack.





	Dean And Cas Get A Divorce

"They look like tomatoes." 

Castiel snatched the fruits out of Dean's grasp. Sam brought forward a gold box. 

"I mean shouldn't they go into the crisper? Maybe in a ziplock bag for, you know, freshness?" 

"It's a magical ingredient Dean, so it will stay magically fresh in the vault." 

Dean could tell Sam was annoyed with him about something. Cas on the other hand was a little harder to read. Ever since his angelic beauty sleep, Cas has been a little different, more badass, old school Cas with his resoluteness and readiness for war. Dean kind of liked it, alot. He wondered as he watched Cas help Sam stow away the fruits of knowledge or love or life, whatever, gate-fruit was how Dean thought of it. Dean wondered if Cas was going to shower and then come to his room. Cas liked to hang out in Dean's room since he didn't have his own on account of not needing to sleep. Sometimes he played with Dean's records or read his books, occasionally he even browsed Dean's laptop. That was how close they were, Dean didn't even bother clearing his browser history as he would for Sam. He enjoyed Cas' sporadic "Dean, I don't understand how ..." as he rifled through Dean's bookmarks. 

Cas seemed preoccupied by his phone, it kept going off with text alerts and Cas kept reading them. Dean ignored it all through pizza dinner. He was a little tired of Cas texting back during post-dinner beers. By the time Sam went to bed, Cas was still on his phone, taking it with him when he went into the bathroom. 

"That Tinder stuff is fun huh," Dean bumped Cas' shoulder when he headed into the ensuite. 

Cas barely acknowledged Dean's ribbing and sat down at the foot of the bed and kept texting. Dean washed his hair and scrubbed down. He sat on top of his bedding and got out a box of guns, cleaning them was a soothing bedtime ritual for Dean. 

"You want one Cas?" Dean asked generously. 

"I'm texting," said Cas. 

"I can see that," Dean answered. "Who are you texting?" 

"The Queen of the Djinns," Cas replied. 

Dean said a quiet 'oh' but frankly he had no idea who Cas was talking about. 

"The Queen who gifted the fruits from the tree of life to me," Cas explained. "He's asking about a few things." 

Dean lifted his eyebrows. "The Queen is a guy?" 

"Yes," Cas shrugged. "Or at least I perceive them as a man." 

This revelation led to a bunch of questions in Dean's head. Questions like "what's Cas doing smiling and frowning like that texting a guy" and "who is this guy anyway" and "isn't the Djinn supposed to appear in the subject's most desired form?" As well as "Cas sees them as a guy" and finally "what does this guy look like?" 

"What does this guy look like?" 

"He looks ... good. But we are not ..." Cas' head snapped up and one of his eyes was twitching ever so slightly. "We are not engaging in a a sexual activity." 

That came out of nowhere. Maybe Dean ought to start clearing his browser history after all. Couldn’t lead an angel astray. Though that was an interesting thought. Dean stopped himself from thinking down that track. 

"You even know how to use a phone for sex?" Dean asked skeptically. 

"I am aware of a function known as 'FaceTime'," Cas said. "Though I have not had the inclination to try it with my betrothed." 

Dean's gun went clattering to the floor in pieces. In hindsight, cleaning guns in bed really wasn't best practice. 

"Your what?"

"My married spouse, it's a technicality of course, but the fruits were given to me as a wedding gift." 

Dean carefully placed the parts of the gun into a box for safekeeping, he was not able to assemble them for the slight tremor in his hands. "You got engaged to the Djinn?" 

"No, of course not," Cas continued before Dean could start breathing normally again. "I was formally married, with all magical rituals, ramifications and cultural customs observed." 

Dean stilled himself and made a concerted effort to bring oxygen deep into his lungs via his nose and not let it out as a frustrated (but manly) scream. 

"Cas, we need to talk," Dean begun. 

"I can't right now," Cas stood up, phone in hand. "I have some contractual loose ends to tie up with my husband. I will need privacy for this." 

Then he was gone, out of Dean's room and into the darkness of the hallway. 

Dean wondered firstly where in the bunker Cas considered private. Secondly, he wondered if there was some way to block all FaceTime access in the bunker. Lastly, he wondered how many hours of research it would take to figure out how to undo a Djinn marriage. After disabling wi-fi with a guilty stealth attack on the modem, Dean drifted off to sleep. The last thought he had before falling into a fitful dream full of devilshly handsome Djinn dancing around a resolute faced Cas was a sense of profound loss. 

* * * 

Dean woke with new found determination. He dressed in his most hunting-business leather jacket and grabbed a bag full of wicked looking weapons. Then he made his way into the kitchen and began cooking bacon and eggs. Cas came out of the stacks with his hair ruffled and his jacket askew. Dean slammed down two plates of greasy fried bread, yolky eggs and charcoaled bacon. He followed that with two mugs of strong black coffee, stirring the usual seven teaspoons of sugar into Cas'. 

"Eat up and we'll go to the airport straight after." Dean said with conviction. "Just promise you'll knock me out for the flight." 

"No Dean." 

"Fine, then fly me there, you're all juiced up anyways." 

"No, Dean." 

Somehow, Cas could make a micro-second pause sound frighteningly firm. 

"I have some important business to attend to." 

"Yeah, business like getting yourself unhitched from a soul sucking mind vampire." 

Sam had wandered into the kitchen but took one look at Dean and Cas' heated exchange and backed out of the room, taking with him a tub of strawberries from the refrigerator. Dean always knew Sam was smart. 

"On the contrary, I need to take care of some old ties." 

Cas definitely looked suss as he wolfed down his bacon and egg sandwich. He was eating with the gusto of a man ingesting a last meal, gluttonous and hasty. Dean let him finish and leave. Then he activated the tracker on Cas' phone. 

"I need to take the car!" Dean shouted by way of farewell to Sam. 

"Dean, why is the angel-human relationships section in the archives totally messed up?" Sam called out to the empty bunker. 

* * * 

Dean followed Cas to the Sleepy Hollows Motel. This place really took the cake, if the cake was mouldy and infested and filled with deadly poison. There was an unkept air about the motel, with daring decorative choices made everywhere the eyes wandered in fright. Cas stood by a plastic light up figurine in what served as a lobby for a minute, still glued to his phone. Dean walked up to Cas. 

"Why are you here?" Cas looked genuinely shocked. 

"Could ask you the same thing. What are you, hooking up? Thought you were married." 

Cas looked at Dean, his eyes wide and staring as if trying to see every detail of Dean's face. "Did you leave your post for the consumation? I thought your people needed you there." 

Dean's ears were hearing a light buzzing. It could be the faulty lightbulbs or the overwhelming rush of blood to his head. 

"I'm not the Djinn." 

Cas' face went still and his shoulders flicked forward slightly. Dean had known the angel long enough to be able to tell he was wrapping his wings around himself in an instinctive defensive posture. 

"It's all right," Dean said, his voice soft. "That doesn't bother me." 

Cas didn't really want to talk about it. He went to the counter and showed a booking reference on his phone to get a set of keys. Dean let the silence drag out and followed Cas into the room. 

There was a woman sitting on the bed. Turned out she was a divorce lawyer and a Djinn. Dean wasn't sure which was worse. 

"There's a problem Castiel, you are bonded to another and therefore you are not free to consumate the marriage with The Desirable One, The Queen of the Dreamers, The King of Visions, Our Most Beloved ..." 

"Is it his wife, wives, he had several," Dean interrupted. "I can't even remember their names. Daphne? Was there another one, did her name start with a D too? I dunnon. Cas, you must have a record somewhere." 

Cas look at Dean reproachfully. "Are you implying I give away my hand in marriage too easily?" 

"Calling it how it is," Dean said, he sounded surprisingly bitter to his own ears. 

"Human laws are of little interest to us," the Djinn lawyer clarified. "It is the magical aspect of the marriage that is not working. When you performed the Dance of Union and sang the Harmonic Hymns, your grace as an angel would have been bound with our Djinn ruler's spirit, creating a powerful resource to help his majesty to fight our civil conflicts. He should have won the war by sheer might alone. He finds his power unchanged." 

"I am as confounded as you, he did text me very urgently last night regarding his concerns, I agreed to come here to address them." 

"And you brought your human paramour? A hunter no less? Apart from being a magnificent, heroic leader, you do understand our sovereign does have a heart? Capable of being abused. However monstrous the humans find us, the Djinn are a proud people." 

"You're not people," Dean interjected. 

"We want to be people, we dream of becoming them, living amongst them. Inspiring rather than feed off their dreams," her face was passionate as she spoke. "That is why our ruler was outcast and exiled. Castiel you are a perfect match, you are both rebel fighters and lovers of humanity." 

"Well Cas is taken, he's team free will. No room for Twilight Djinn here." 

"Spoken like a jealous spouse," the Djinn walked over to Castiel and handed him a package. "Our great commander loves you and believes that you never intended to be burdened by an accidental bond. These legal papers formalise your union with our King under American laws. The letter from his majesty outlines detailed instructions on how to dissolve your bond with Dean Winchester and this dagger is a keepsake from your beloved. It kills Djinn and is given to you as a token of undying trust." 

"Great, let's try it out," Dean suggested. 

Cas held onto Dean's shoulder and allowed the Djinn representative to leave the room safely. 

Dean sat on the motel bed, it squeaked as he sunk into it like a trapped animal in a quicksand pit. Dean felt about as good too. 

"The instructions are clear and concise, Dean, we can undo this," Castiel said as he read the letter carefully. "We just retrace each milestone in our relationship and relive it with the intent of unbonding." 

Dean buried his head in his hands. 

"It must occur in reverse chronological order. So we need to go to the telephone box." 

* * * 

They left the motel and Dean drove with Castiel in the passenger seat.

"The magic will honour any good faith intent to undo the bond so we need not be as precise in our reenactment of the milestones. It is the token ritual that matters." Castiel explained. 

Dean pulled up after a couple of hours of driving and Cas looked shocked that Dean had driven them to the exact location he picked Cas up from when he was returned by the cosmic entity. 

"May as well do it properly," Dean muttered as he got out of the car. 

It was sunset and Castiel took a long look at Dean's face in the rosy light. Dean studied Castiel as well. 

"It won't hurt," Castiel reassured. Dean's expression seemed to contradict that sentiment. 

Slowly, they hugged and let each other go. Dean remembered the delirious joy and the heart rending gladness of finding Cas alive. It was like the sun rising to eclipse the darkness. Like relief and wonder. 

"That's it?" 

Castiel nodded and returned to the car. 

* * * 

"Whoa!" Sam ran in to separate Cas and Dean. "Hey guys, calm down." 

"We are not angry at each other," Cas explained, fist poised above his head. 

"Yeah, this is because we like each other too much," Dean elaborated, lifting his knee in readiness to plant it into Castiel's abdomen. 

"We have to undo everything that bonds us to each other so I can marry the Djinn Queen, again." 

"Oh, sure then, that makes complete sense," Sam said and went to the fridge. "You guys suck!" 

They don't trade blows. Cas' hand rested on Dean's shoulder and Dean's leg brushed against Cas'. They stand there interlocked for a minute, Dean touched Cas' face with the palm of his hand, his thumb brushed across Cas' mouth. 

"I'm sorry." 

"Apology accepted." 

They broke apart and Dean went to his room. Cas followed not long after, bringing Dean a sandwich. 

"Please accept this sandwich as a gesture of solidarity," Cas said, his face a little wane. 

"Oh, was that a milestone too? Cas can we, can we do just one a day. I know you want to rush it but I don't know if I can handle more than that," Dean said, the words tumbling from his mouth from tiredness and resignation. "It doesn't feel good you know, ripping ourselves apart." 

Cas looked stricken. "I didn't think it mattered to you. That I mattered." 

"The whole time you were gone Cas, I was in despair. Never known hopelessness like it, not the I'll-never-get-out-of-hell kind of hopelessness, just, like everything good doesn't exist anymore," Dean pulled back and gave a little shrug. "So whatever, you're back, so whatever you want, you can have it. Even this." 

"I want ..." Cas looked down at his own chest as if consulting his own heart. "I want a burger." 

* * * 

Dean got Cas the best burger in the world. They drove a whole day, across multiple state borders, before reaching this middle of nowhere diner. The buns were brioche sweet and buttery to the point of fluffiness. The salad leaves carefully arranged on top of juicy slices of vine ripened tomatoes. Not too many distracting flavours, just the hefty slice of burger patty, infused with caramelised onion and drizzled with sauce. The pickle was spicy and crisp. The cheese oozed languidly. The fries a heavenly concoction of creamy crunchiness. 

They sat shoulder to shoulder and ate in huge bites. Cas stole most of the fries off Dean's plate after finishing his own with alarming speed. 

They pushed back their chairs satiated and Dean picked some music on the jukebox. Cas got them a round of beers and they drank in silent reverie. 

When the clock struck midnight, Cas sat up, eyes flashing as he looked at Dean. 

"Did you just?" 

Dean lifted his bowed head and smiled weakly. 

"You prayed in thankfulness for sharing this meal with me?" 

"I prayed a lot, for you, so that’s gotta be something we have to undo, right?" Dean drained his glass. "Might as well take care of that one too." 

* * *

They stumbled out of the diner and somehow ended up on the wrong side of the building. Dean was drunk, not on two beers, but on sadness and joy all at once. Damn magic and spells, it was all just a big mind-fuck and who were they to ask Dean and Cas to get a bond-divorce. Far as Dean was concerned, they weren't even bond-married. And Cas sure had married a lot of people, people other than Dean. Or even a Djinn that looked like Dean but just isn't Dean. And what was with that. 

"Why haven't you married me?" Dean asked hot and urgent, shoving Cas up against the wall with righteous annoyance. "It's not something to trade away or contract into. How dare you not have married me?" 

Cas floundered. He looked moonlit in the night, his eyes bright pale blue, almost pearlescent in the darkness. 

"I could invite you to the consumation as a best man?" 

Dean grunted a curse and kissed Cas hard on the mouth. Then inside the mouth. He quickly lost track of orifices and who they belonged to, only that Cas was just as entangled in this as he was. He was just as responsible, just was liable for this mess. 

Behind the dumpster, against the wall, Dean realised that Cas loved him back. 

* * * 

"I need you." 

Cas looked down, startled. He was holding a frying pan containing french toast. Sam was waiting patiently with a jug of syrup at his elbows, the plates set for three. Dean was sitting on the floor, his head tipped back to rest on the cool kitchen cabinetry. 

"Need you too," Cas said quickly. He placed the food onto plates and handed one to Dean to eat from his spot on the floor. 

Sam watched with narrowed eyes and bulging cheeks, shoving agave syrup laden pancakes into his mouth. 

Sam thought the whole divorce thing was stupid anyway. 

* * * 

"I don't want to FaceTime the face snatcher." 

Cas tugged Dean along, his face closed and his head lowered. Dean could tell Cas was in a disastrous mood because of the storm clouds that gathered overhead. On the periphery of the cumulous column was a pristine starry night but over the barn was inky darkness. 

"This is the final step, we must complete the separation." 

Cas' last word was drowned out by bleak flashes of lightning. 

"I remember sparks," Dean exclaimed. "Don't know what made them but I can get a gun and shoot it around, hitting something will make me feel better." 

Cas ignored Dean and took out his phone. It was picked up and Dean looked at it, letting out an incredulous laugh. 

"What's he doing with your face on?" Dean asked. 

Castiel frowned down at the screen. "He's not wearing my face."

"I appear as you wish me to appear," the King of the Djinn said in what was clearly, to Dean's ears, a familiar husky voice. "I sound like the desired too." 

Dean cursed loudly and paced away. 

Cas spoke to the Djinn leader for a few minutes then set the phone down, the camera pointed to capture everything happening in the barn. 

Dean looked over and he could see about ten Castiels gathered on the screen, he let out another stream of swear words. 

"Please bear witness to the final divorce of Dean Winchester and Castiel," Cas said and placed the wedding dagger into Dean's hand. 

The knife was small and unembellished. It had a blue blade and a wooden handle and mirrored the proportions of the demon killing knife Dean wielded when he first met Castiel. Dean turned the blade downwards and placed a hand on Cas' chest. 

"Please," Cas whispered. 

The dagger pierced with a soft crunch, shattering the phone as Dean threw it with accurate aim. Dean grabbed the lapels of Cas' trenchcoat and brought him forward. He kissed Cas and Cas kissed him back and they wrapped their arms around each other, inseparable. 

* * * 

"For what it's worth, I hope you win," Dean said to the Cas on the screen. 

"It is difficult not to take on the dreamer's dream," the Dean on the screen turned towards Cas. "Your dreams are full of Dean. I knew it was a risk trying to wed myself to you but politically it served as an advantage to momentarily distract our foes. Your bond cannot be surmounted by my intervention. I dissolve you of all obligation and gift you the fruit as a token of good will. May you and yours find freedom." 

"Did you fake the divorce rituals?" 

"I calculated it might have the contrary effect to their stated purpose," the Cas on the screen smiled officiously at Dean. Dean still didn't like Djinns but he was pretty sure this one was the cleverest he had ever dealt with and that he might just win. 

"Is that Gabriel you guys are talking to?" Sam asked as he glanced at the phone, on his way to the kitchen.

Dean spluttered and Cas laughed. 

Sam lifted an eyebrow but decided it wasn't worth asking. He went to the fridge and made a green juice instead. 

* * * 

Dean parked the Impala by the lake. The rest area was deserted given the cold weather. Dean climbed carefully onto the car, lying down where the engine had warmed the metal. Castiel joined him, looking up at the stars. 

"Is this something we did before too?" Dean asked softly. "Feels like it is." 

"This is something new." Answered Cas. 

The End.

**Author's Note:**

> Can I just say the rules of spncoldesthits are the most convoluted non-sense I’ve ever read and also this whole competition seems conceptually flawed. 
> 
> Having said that here is some fic. 
> 
> I have two followers on tumblr, not sure I deserve more: violetlyvanilla


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